Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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