Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
