there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
