the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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