He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
