It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize