ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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