K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
