we have officially lost it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize