Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
