i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
