I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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