Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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