Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
