Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
