so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
