my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
