Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
