Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize