I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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