Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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