We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
