dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize