Only a mothe r could love this liver
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
