You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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