Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
