hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
