She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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