Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
