He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
