I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
