I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
