i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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