I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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