I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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