Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
