All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
