meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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