I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
