Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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