I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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