just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
