You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
