please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
