I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
