Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize