I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
