I got chris browned last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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