He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize