I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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