my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
