My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
operation harelip BJ is a go
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
