When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
