whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
