rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
