I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize