Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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