you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
