Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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