the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
