I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
