guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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