So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
