I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
