some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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