I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I deserve this hangover.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
