living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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