i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
