is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
