If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize