Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
