Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
