Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
