In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
