ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
