And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
