PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize