the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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