Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
