I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
