After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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