So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
