Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
