The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
