There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
