you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
