I'm jealous of your bromance
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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