I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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