Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize