she woke up with a sticky ear
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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