i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
