Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
