I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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