my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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