After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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