When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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