I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my liver is dry heaving
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize