And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
