How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
