Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
