White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize