Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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