make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
