i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
