The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
