Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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