saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
