All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
