I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wear drunk well.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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