they need to just BURY HIM!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
