I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
